Through the Glass: Darkly or Transparently

The Capessa forum is full of beautiful, awesome women. Jan is amazing. We’ve been exchanging e-mails over the last few weeks. I am humbled by her wise and compassionate outlook on a culture that many of us, including myself, don’t quite understand. She’s 65 years young, and has been living in the Middle East for a few years. She originally went there on a consulting gig with a company in Qatar, then transferred to another company out of Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates. She quit that job for ethical reasons, but became fascinated with the culture and decided to stay there. She’s been unsuccessfully trying to land another job there on her own.

She recently posted this message:

“I have been a grateful member of Capessa for three months now and have anguished about and also celebrated so many stories. For this I will always be grateful. May I humbly ask one question? Is it possible to transform our lives by just seeing them differently?

Here is one lens on my life: I live in a place where no one speaks my language, I have no job, I have no money, the heat is unbearable, and I have no future. I wonder day to day how I will get from one place to another. I wonder how I will live next year with no money. I fear that I will die poor and on the streets.

All this is true.

Here is the other lens on my life: I wake early and celebrate that I am still alive. Although it is already hot (110) degrees, I walk to a nearby souq and buy a few pieces of vegetable that will be my dinner. A truck slows down as I walk and the man asks if I want a ride and some water - he moves his goats so I can have a seat. He is concerned that I am a "white person" and out in the sun with no hat.

I laugh because I can walk freely, unlike so many places where a single woman walking alone would be in danger. I feel so grateful that at age 65 I am still learning who I am, even in such a barren and desolate place. I celebrate that I am still alive, when so many events in my life would have me dead.

I grieve for all the women on Capessa who have had such tragedy and violence in their lives. No one can remove the scars of abuse and violation.

I only wonder. Is it possible to find relief, even answers, by choosing to look through a different lens?”

I love the way she posed her question and backed it up with her own experience, actually answering it in the positive.

"Is it possible to transform our lives by just seeing them differently?"

Absolutely, positively, and without a doubt! In fact it's truly the only way to change our lives. There is no such thing as a fairy tale life. S**t happens, even to Paris Hilton! We will all have pain, loss, and many difficulties and frustrations. The ability to make lemonade out of lemons, and to find the beauty in the midst of apparent chaos (as in Jan’s second lens), is the key to happiness and balance.

We all come into this world with lessons to learn and challenges to overcome. They are not always the easiest lessons. The secret is to accept those lessons and move forward instead of staying stuck in the "why me" victim mentality.

So my suggestion to everyone, is just for today, tell yourself "I am a VICTOR, NOT a victim", and see how different that feels.

You each have the power. Never forget that. (And that includes YOU too, Paris…☺)