Dying to be Thin

Yesterday I was on YouTube looking for some inspirational videos for my newsletter. I found some great ones, but in my search I found something that disturbed and saddened me greatly. Videos for "thinspiration", created by young women and girls who suffer from eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia, to encourage each other to keep starving themselves. :-( These videos are pictures of stick-thin, sickly-looking models and actresses, with captions about how desirable it is to be thin, and how horrible it is to be fat, with soundtracks of angst-ridden songs by young female singers. My heart breaks for these girls. The videos convey their pain and suffering. Some of them will recover, but many of them will die an untimely and painful death.

This video, posted by a recovering anorexic, really made me bawl.



They are suffering from the same syndrome that so many of us do, which is "I'm not good enough". They are crying out for attention, for love, for someone to tell them that they are perfect just the way they are. They are so unhappy that they want to disappear. Emptiness seems to be the main theme. They are all beautiful young ladies and above average in intelligence. What is happening here?

I looked back to my own teenage years. I never had an eating disorder, but I cried out for attention in other ways that were just as dangerous and harmful to myself. My parents divorced when I was 11, my father totally rejected me, mom didn't have time for me and when I acted up she was angry and withheld her love as punishment. From age 13 to 16, I took drugs, drank myself into a stupor, had sex with strangers and got kicked out of the 9th grade. I hated myself. My parents sent me to a state-run school for troubled teens. It really was a great program, with very caring staff who helped me get back on track. I graduated and went on to college, got married, had a beautiful daughter and have been reasonably successful and have a great life.

But for many years I still did not like myself all that much, and did not feel that my parents loved me as much as I wanted them to. I now know they did, and they did the best they could within their own limited belief system, but no one could convince me of that then.

This message is for parents who may suspect their daughter (or possibly their son) has an eating disorder. Your child needs your unconditional love. Take time to talk to her, and open your heart. Hug her and try not to criticize her. Sit down with her and look her in the eyes. Ask her what she needs, and how you can help. LISTEN to what she has to say. Include her in family decisions so she feels like she has some control in her life. Tell her she is beautiful. Tell her you are so grateful that she chose you to be her parent. Find ways as a family to help her overcome that emptiness. Maybe volunteer together or find some other way to help others or bring more meaning to life.

Actually this message is for all parents. Love and accept your kids before they develop an eating disorder or some other self-destructive behavior. They did choose you to be their parent. That is an honor.

To all the young people who are recovering from this horrible condition, and trying to help others, I am in awe of your strength. You are powerful! Godspeed and I wish you much success.

To anyone who is suffering from an ED, know that I am one of the strangers who is praying for you. I wish I could do something to help ease your pain. You need to know that you are powerful and beautiful. That beauty is inside, not outside...