Saturday, June 09, 2007

Through the Glass: Darkly or Transparently

The Capessa forum is full of beautiful, awesome women. Jan is amazing. We’ve been exchanging e-mails over the last few weeks. I am humbled by her wise and compassionate outlook on a culture that many of us, including myself, don’t quite understand. She’s 65 years young, and has been living in the Middle East for a few years. She originally went there on a consulting gig with a company in Qatar, then transferred to another company out of Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates. She quit that job for ethical reasons, but became fascinated with the culture and decided to stay there. She’s been unsuccessfully trying to land another job there on her own.

She recently posted this message:

“I have been a grateful member of Capessa for three months now and have anguished about and also celebrated so many stories. For this I will always be grateful. May I humbly ask one question? Is it possible to transform our lives by just seeing them differently?

Here is one lens on my life: I live in a place where no one speaks my language, I have no job, I have no money, the heat is unbearable, and I have no future. I wonder day to day how I will get from one place to another. I wonder how I will live next year with no money. I fear that I will die poor and on the streets.

All this is true.

Here is the other lens on my life: I wake early and celebrate that I am still alive. Although it is already hot (110) degrees, I walk to a nearby souq and buy a few pieces of vegetable that will be my dinner. A truck slows down as I walk and the man asks if I want a ride and some water - he moves his goats so I can have a seat. He is concerned that I am a "white person" and out in the sun with no hat.

I laugh because I can walk freely, unlike so many places where a single woman walking alone would be in danger. I feel so grateful that at age 65 I am still learning who I am, even in such a barren and desolate place. I celebrate that I am still alive, when so many events in my life would have me dead.

I grieve for all the women on Capessa who have had such tragedy and violence in their lives. No one can remove the scars of abuse and violation.

I only wonder. Is it possible to find relief, even answers, by choosing to look through a different lens?”

I love the way she posed her question and backed it up with her own experience, actually answering it in the positive.

"Is it possible to transform our lives by just seeing them differently?"

Absolutely, positively, and without a doubt! In fact it's truly the only way to change our lives. There is no such thing as a fairy tale life. S**t happens, even to Paris Hilton! We will all have pain, loss, and many difficulties and frustrations. The ability to make lemonade out of lemons, and to find the beauty in the midst of apparent chaos (as in Jan’s second lens), is the key to happiness and balance.

We all come into this world with lessons to learn and challenges to overcome. They are not always the easiest lessons. The secret is to accept those lessons and move forward instead of staying stuck in the "why me" victim mentality.

So my suggestion to everyone, is just for today, tell yourself "I am a VICTOR, NOT a victim", and see how different that feels.

You each have the power. Never forget that. (And that includes YOU too, Paris…☺)

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Dying to be Thin

Yesterday I was on YouTube looking for some inspirational videos for my newsletter. I found some great ones, but in my search I found something that disturbed and saddened me greatly. Videos for "thinspiration", created by young women and girls who suffer from eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia, to encourage each other to keep starving themselves. :-( These videos are pictures of stick-thin, sickly-looking models and actresses, with captions about how desirable it is to be thin, and how horrible it is to be fat, with soundtracks of angst-ridden songs by young female singers. My heart breaks for these girls. The videos convey their pain and suffering. Some of them will recover, but many of them will die an untimely and painful death.

This video, posted by a recovering anorexic, really made me bawl.



They are suffering from the same syndrome that so many of us do, which is "I'm not good enough". They are crying out for attention, for love, for someone to tell them that they are perfect just the way they are. They are so unhappy that they want to disappear. Emptiness seems to be the main theme. They are all beautiful young ladies and above average in intelligence. What is happening here?

I looked back to my own teenage years. I never had an eating disorder, but I cried out for attention in other ways that were just as dangerous and harmful to myself. My parents divorced when I was 11, my father totally rejected me, mom didn't have time for me and when I acted up she was angry and withheld her love as punishment. From age 13 to 16, I took drugs, drank myself into a stupor, had sex with strangers and got kicked out of the 9th grade. I hated myself. My parents sent me to a state-run school for troubled teens. It really was a great program, with very caring staff who helped me get back on track. I graduated and went on to college, got married, had a beautiful daughter and have been reasonably successful and have a great life.

But for many years I still did not like myself all that much, and did not feel that my parents loved me as much as I wanted them to. I now know they did, and they did the best they could within their own limited belief system, but no one could convince me of that then.

This message is for parents who may suspect their daughter (or possibly their son) has an eating disorder. Your child needs your unconditional love. Take time to talk to her, and open your heart. Hug her and try not to criticize her. Sit down with her and look her in the eyes. Ask her what she needs, and how you can help. LISTEN to what she has to say. Include her in family decisions so she feels like she has some control in her life. Tell her she is beautiful. Tell her you are so grateful that she chose you to be her parent. Find ways as a family to help her overcome that emptiness. Maybe volunteer together or find some other way to help others or bring more meaning to life.

Actually this message is for all parents. Love and accept your kids before they develop an eating disorder or some other self-destructive behavior. They did choose you to be their parent. That is an honor.

To all the young people who are recovering from this horrible condition, and trying to help others, I am in awe of your strength. You are powerful! Godspeed and I wish you much success.

To anyone who is suffering from an ED, know that I am one of the strangers who is praying for you. I wish I could do something to help ease your pain. You need to know that you are powerful and beautiful. That beauty is inside, not outside...

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Surprised, overwhelmed, but very grateful!

Wow, I had quite the surprise this morning. An article that I posted on the Capessa blog was featured on the Yahoo home page last night. I had over 200 messages in my inbox, and over 400 comments on the blog. I would love to respond to each and every person who wrote to me. I'm certainly going to try! I've returned to Corporate America at least on a temporary basis as a freelance consultant. It pays the bills and I even enjoy the work, but it's not my passion. I had sort of lost my motivation due to my own fear of marketing and selling myself as a coach, but this was a wake up call for me! There are lots of people out there who can use support and positive motivation. We are here for one reason and that is to serve each other.
Namaste!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

No excuse for this!

A fellow coach sent out the message below. I cannot believe that this woman is not able to get some kind of healthcare assistance. I don't know how much she makes with her book, but it is obviously not enough to live on! A dear friend of mine has Hepatitis C. She works for a company that does not provide health insurance. She is not able to get private insurance at any cost. Her only hope right now, besides the herbs she's taking, is to get into a drug trial program, and hope whatever crap they give her works. Apparently, only people who likely won't use insurance have the right to get it, at a minimum cost of $200 per month. The United States is the ONLY industrialized country that does not guarantee basic health care services to its citizens. You are better off in some third world countries. Seriously. I lived in Brazil for 10 years. I was without health insurance once when I was unemployed there and managed to get treatment for a sinus infection. My housekeeper was able to get care for her son any time he was sick, and even free dental care. Sure, there was a waiting list for that, but here, you will be laughed at if you suggest the possibility of free dental care, let alone life-saving treatment for serious illness. The working poor are screwed.

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I am writing each of you to ask for a special prayer request for my friend Doreene Clement. Some of you may know her as the author of the book The 5 Year Journal. Doreene has suffered with health challenges for many years now and has overcome each time - including beating two different types of rare breast cancer using only all natural methods. You can see a bit of her story at www.beacancervictor.com

Doreene has been living with me for the past 3 years, due to the financial loss that the cancer caused, she has not been able to have a home or even a car or been able to work other than the sales of her book and doing a few small editing jobs. She is no longer able to even do the editing jobs because she cannot sit at the computer any longer.

In January of this year she became very ill again and has been mostly bed ridden. In late February it was discovered that she had parasites and worms that were eating away her intestinal wall. Again, using only natural methods she managed to kill them off but the after effects have been debilitating to the point that she is in constant pain and nothing seems to be helping. Two weeks ago she experienced severe back pain that then radiated down her legs. We have been taking her to many wonderful specialists - naturopathic doctor, neuromuscular specialist, organ massage specialist, colonic specialists, lymph specialists, acupuncture and using many different types of nutritional supplements and herbs. On Tuesday of this week the pain became so severe in her back and left leg she has not even been able to get out of bed to use the portable toilet at the foot of the bed. We have been using a female urinal. Bowel movements are a problem.

She applied for state assistance for healthcare and food stamps and was denied. They say she made too much money. Friends have been donating funds to her and because she is so honest she declared that money and the state has decided that it is income. She has an outstanding debt from a person who gave her a promissory note for $6,000 over 5 years ago and has only paid her a few hundred dollars. The state says that is an asset.

Doreene is a MASTER at overcoming pain and adversity and has been an inspiration and teacher to many. For the first time since I have known her she is crying out for help. Even during the cancer she always had a positive and upbeat spirit and attitude. Now, the pain is more than she can bare - I hear her crying - sometimes in just a whisper and whimper and other times out loud in a wail. She has said if it is now her time she is ready. BUT IF IT IS NOT - SHE WANTS PAIN FREE HEALING NOW!

I am not sending out this prayer request to ask for more treatments or supplements, but to ask for her what she is asking for. Complete healing with NO PAIN. And, if that looks like transition then so be it - that is NOT what she wants - but is willing to accept it if it is time. Please add her to any prayer request lists you may have or know of.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and, again, the power of your prayers for Doreene's highest good is most heartfelt appreciated. If you would like to call you can reach Doreene or me at 480-664-4170. Perhaps hearing your voice and a short prayer will lift her spirits. If she doesn't answer please do leave a prayer message for her.

Thank you for all you do for others in your life and your ministries and callings.

In Love and Appreciation!

Sandy Rogers

Another Reason to Hate Wal-Mart

I hate Wal-Mart. Some may argue that low prices are good for people who struggle with limited income. Yeah. But if a there were more of the manufacturing jobs that have been sent to China due to Wal-Mart's predatory policies, maybe people could get better jobs here. Another person told me that Wal-Mart provides jobs in rural areas. Yeah. But it also puts an untold number of mom-and-pop shops in said small towns out of business. Your point? Anyway, the Cornucopia Institute has the scoop on Wally World's latest outrage. I am already concerned about huge food corporations that continue to lobby to weaken organic standards. Mall-Wart actually has the gall to try to push non-organic foods off as organic.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Let's talk about Politics

I’m going to climb on my soapbox for a minute. Senator John McCain, who recently announced his candidacy for President in 2008, posted a question on Yahoo Answers asking for feedback on how to reduce government waste. Though there were some great, thoughtful answers, and some not so good, I was mainly appalled by the number of people who posted answers in the vein of “we elected you, it’s your job to fix it”.

Whether or not I agree with him on the issues, I thought it was awesome that the Senator posted a question on a public forum asking for our feedback. We have a representative Republic, and it IS our job to tell our representatives what we think and what we would like them to do. We are not supposed to sit back and let these folks decide everything without our input! With democracy comes responsibility.

The first part of that responsibility is to VOTE. I cannot believe how many people I have come in contact with who don’t vote. Statistics show that only around 50% of eligible American voters show up to the polls. If you don’t vote, you are letting other people decide for you. Before you cast your vote, it’s also necessary to find out about the candidates and the issues. Don’t rely on the TV media. Go to the candidates’ web sites, find other articles about them online. and if they’ve been in public office for a while, find out about their voting record on the issues you care about.

A good non-partisan resource I have found is congress.org. It’s a grassroots citizen’s forum with tools to help navigate the confusing political process. You can find out who your representatives in the House and Senate are, you can sign up to get a weekly e-mail update of upcoming legislation, and find out how your representatives voted. The e-mails will often include a form that you can fill out with a couple of clicks to write a personal e-mail to your Senators or Congressperson.

Besides Federal representatives, we also have State representatives. I have written several e-mails to my two state senators, and every time I have gotten a personal response, sometimes the same day. I believe that the best way to effect real change is from the bottom up – start with your local city council. Find out what’s going on in your neighborhood. It’s all about getting involved.

I have a real life example to share. My friend Debbie lives in an older neighborhood here in Scottsdale AZ. The city provides grants for public art projects. As my friend thought it would be a good idea, she got some of her neighbors together and they applied for an art installation in the neighborhood. The city chose an artist who proposed a fun and funky design to liven up a dirt lot at the main street leading to their enclave. They held neighborhood council meetings to get feedback from the neighbors. Not many people showed up, until the city actually started breaking ground for the project.

Then, several neighbors decided they did not like the artwork. They contacted the newspaper. They attended city hall meetings. They wrote to the Mayor. In the end, they got what they wanted. The project was cancelled. My friend is disappointed, but she realized the power of just a few voices.

We may not have a perfect system, and the current two-party political system leaves much to be desired. But we do have the power to change and influence it, IF we decide to get involved.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

I'm giving away a FREE e-book

I co-wrote a very cool e-book with 12 other coaches. It's called "13 Top Coaches Share Their Extreme Self-Care Strategies". You will get some great ideas to help keep you healthy, peaceful and balanced in this crazy world.

It's yours free just for signing up for my newsletters and updates. (I promise you will enjoy my newsletters - My newsletter is published every other week, and I might send out occasional e-mails regarding events, such as teleclasses or seminars or new products. I'm not one of those pesky e-mail marketers who is going to bombard you with crap. I absolutely, positively do not rent, sell, or give my subscriber's information to anyone.

To sign up, enter your e-mail in the box on the upper right hand corner of this page.

We Are One

This movie is beautiful: http://www.weareonemovie.com/

Ironically, in December I had a very unpleasant exchange with its creator, Mary Robinson Reynolds, which turned out to be one of the most profound learning experiences of the year.

Why? I had seen several of her movies, and been getting her newsletters for a while. She's a sucessful coach, like I want to be when I grow up.
She held a free teleclass, and there were some technical difficulties and lots of noise on the line. Mary was getting kind of stressed and she started almost yelling on the call.

I had seen her as a wise and peaceful guru - so this was totally not my expectation. Impulsively I shot her a rather fussy e-mail saying basically that I was disappointed in her behavior. She e-mailed me back really letting me have it! Told me my ego was getting in the way and how could I teach her anything - she was just being human after all... She demanded an apology. She really chewed me out. I initially was thinking: "what a b****!"

But I meditated on it. I re-read my e-mail to her and yeah, I was acting like a little kid who expects her parents to be perfect, and saw how my EXPECTATIONS of people got in the way of appreciating their gifts and their light. So, I sent Mary an apology. I recognized my behavior and recognized her humanness and told her how much I appreciated her movies. She sent me a very nice e-mail back.

We all have our flaws, we all make mistakes, we all act out, get stressed, get upset, have bad days. When the people in our lives do this, it is our choice of how to react.

If the behavior is abusive, or inexcusable, we can and should walk away, but we can still recognize they are human, doing the best they know how in their limited belief system, and that they are full of pain and fear. We can and should and forgive them, for our own sake more than anything.

But if someone's behavior is just annoying, we can choose not to get annoyed. We can send love, we can look past the acting out and the flaws, and pay attention to the things we love and appreciate about them. We can allow them to have a bad day. We can see then as HUMAN, just like we are.

We really are ALL ONE. (And Mary's actually a pretty cool lady, albeit a feisty redhead :)

Article on Law of Attraction - published on my Yahoo column on 2/15

Everybody has been jumping on "The Secret" bandwagon. Alright, so it's not completely original. But this stuff works, why not use it?

"The Secret is Out"
Posted on Capessa Blog 2/15/07

Thoughts become Things. That is the central idea of the Law of Attraction. It’s been talked about in spiritual self-development circles for quite some time. Last week, I was thrilled to see Oprah talking about a very cool DVD and book called “The Secret”. It came out in the middle of 2006, and I first saw it at a workshop I attended last July. I came away from the movie feeling empowered and energized. I am so excited to see these ideas becoming more mainstream!


The premise is simple, yet extremely profound in its implications. Whatever you focus on, you attract into your life. If you are always worried about being in debt and focusing on all the bills you have to pay, doesn’t it seem to get worse? What if you focused your thoughts on abundance instead? What if you took all the energy that you use worrying about all the bad things that can happen, and turned it in a positive direction?

There are several practical exercises you can do to start that flow of positive energy in your life, no matter how bad things may seem right now.

Instead of feeling the lack of certain things, look at your life and all the great things you do have – cultivate an “Attitude of Gratitude”. I may have said this in a previous post, but start a Gratitude Journal. Every night before you go to sleep, write down 3 things that you are grateful for, perhaps focusing on a different area each night. After doing this exercise for one week, try writing a list of 50 things! You may have to stretch your mind to realize so many things we take for granted, like hot showers, your computer and even the fact that you woke up this morning!

Now, look at the things you want to change or improve. Maybe you want a better relationship with your spouse/significant other, or you are single and would like to be in a relationship. Perhaps you’d like to make more money, reduce your debts, or you want to lose weight, and have a healthier lifestyle. How about finding a career that you love AND that pays the bills?

Turn these wants and wishes into statements. State them ALWAYS in the positive, and in the present tense. These are called affirmations. Some examples might be:
  • I am in a loving and caring partnership.
  • I am creating abundance in every area of my life
  • I am earning plenty of money
  • I am getting a lean, healthy body
  • I am taking the steps toward my ideal career
Work on one area at a time for at least 3 weeks. Write your chosen affirmation(s) on sticky notes, and paste them where you will see them – in your car, on your fridge, phone, computer or bathroom mirror. Say them out loud, at least 3 times every morning and evening. When negative thoughts come up, replace them with your new, positive affirmations.

Here’s a really fun exercise – create a Vision Board. Go through old magazines and cut out pictures and words that represent the things and the life you want, then paste them on a poster board. Hang it in a place where you will see it. I searched the Internet for more detailed information on how to create your board. Christine Kane has some great ideas on her blog: http://www.christinekane.com/blog

It’s your life, and it’s up to you to create it! What is stopping you?

You are Divine!

In a previous post I mentioned that I'm participating in a group coaching program with Anita Pathik-Law. She just launched a brand new set of life-affirming meditations on CD. You can watch "The Divinity Movie" for free by clicking on the banner below:




I'm a Yahoo Health Expert!

(originally posted 1/26/07)
It's amazing what can happen when you just go out there and give. I found a new women's advice forum on Yahoo Health called Capessa, and my heart went out to the women who are going through so much - abuse, ugly divorces, serious health problems. I've been through all those things and myself, and now I'm at a place where I've overcome so much, and really want to be able to give back. So I started giving these ladies simple exercises and ideas to get unstuck and improve their self-esteem and take charge of their lives. A week later, I got invited by the site administrator to do a weekly advice column. I really was floored! That's how it starts, just by putting yourself out there with no expectation. When I do things with expectation, usually it doesn't work out as well.
So, please check out my column, here: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/capessa It's been a lot of fun!

I finally decided on a home for my blog!

It's taken me a while to decide on a blog host. I tried WordPress for a while, and I was not very happy with it. So, it's back to Blogger, as it seems a bit more user friendly. The next few posts are copied from my WordPress blog, from December through February.
Enjoy!

2007 - A year for Clearing and Transformation

In Numerology, 2007 is a "9" year (2+0+0+7 = 9) The number 9 is associated with transformation, starting with a housecleaning - clearing out old, worn out beliefs and habits in order to effect major change. It can be difficult sometimes, but very, very rewarding. The key is to deal with the fears and insecurities that come up. It's also necessary to look at yourself very deeply, to poke around inside. This process also tends to bring up old wounds and ugly scars. It may even be necessary to go in and open a wound, or to cut away that scar tissue. Sometimes it freakin' hurts! I really don't like it - it feels uncomfortable, but getting through it and feeling that "shift" in energy is totally worth it!
As a coach and energy therapist, I must first do my own healing and inner work before I can effectively assist others with their healing. At least I must be on the path, "walking my talk", so to speak.
I'm participating in a 6-week group coaching program with Anita Law, using her "Power of Our Way" daily meditations. You can also get her daily meditation e-book for free and go through the program on your own. They are quite powerful, and they have helped me stay focused on the things that are really important. Being part of the coaching group also has been helping to keep me accountable.